How To Be Confident Even If You Don’t Feel It
How To Be Confident Even If You Don’t Feel It
Bad experiences, strict upbringing, being bullied at school, illness, divorce and losing your job, among many other things can all cause you to lack confidence. This can make you avoid social situations, or risk taking of any kind incase you fail. As a result this can greatly affect your life making it less fulfilling, and more restrictive making you miss out on so many exciting opportunities.
So how can you build self confidence?
The first thing you should do is to note down all your strengths and abilities. We’re all good at something, and each of us has our own individual strengths. For example you may be a good listener, or fantastic cook. Once you become aware of your abilities it may help to boost your confidence a little. It’s all to easy to overlook what you’re good at, and focus instead on your failings if you lack confidence.
Avoid hanging around people who make you feel bad about yourself, and instead seek out those who are more positive about themselves and make you feel good.
Do you really need to say sorry?.
You tend to find that people with an unconfident and subservient nature are always apologising, even when it’s not necessary. They may have accidentally jumped a queue, knocked into someone, or said the wrong thing. It can become a habit, and one that’s hard to break. You may have picked this up from your parents during childhood when you always being told to say sorry, living with a dominate partner, or a variety of other reasons.
Constantly apologising is a sign of low self esteem, so if you feel shy and lack confidence it can be very hard to overcome.
How To Feel Confident
Next time you’re about to say sorry be mindful about it. Even if you think you may have upset someone by saying a wrong word, chances are you haven’t. Unless you deliberately set out to insult or annoy another person then it truly isn’t your fault. There may be times though when you’re not aware of the other person’s circumstances and you inadvertently make a blunder. That’s different and you could say sorry as you didn’t know. But even then, it really wasn’t your fault.
Talk to new people every day
This may be completely out of your comfort zone, but isn’t as hard as it sounds. Believe it or not most people are friendly and often pleasantly surprised that a complete stranger has taken the time to say “hello”. A good example is standing in a checkout queue in a supermarket, or waiting to be served in a bank. Just a comment about the weather, or length of the queue can spark a brief conversation. Plus, you never know, that person may be very lonely and you’re the only one they’ve spoken to all day. Doing this may seem scary the first few times especially if you have real social anxiety, but after practicing a few times you’ll not only feel happy, but you’ll make those you talked to happy as well.
4 ways to fake it until you make it.
Even if you’re shaking with fear at the idea of going to that party or social gathering you’ve been dreading, follow these tips and no one will ever suspect you lack confidence.
1. Stand tall, with your shoulders back
Slouching, looking down at the ground, and hunched shoulders are all signs of a lack of confidence.
2. Make eye contact.
Looking directly in the eyes of someone you’re talking to is a sign of confidence. You can look just between the eyes, as this is still looking directly at the person’s eyes. You will also be seen as more trustworthy to someone you’ve only just met.
3. Lower your voice.
Lowering the pitch of your voice just a little, and talking slower makes you sound more authorative. It can even make you feel confident as well. Click here for an interesting article on the subject.
4. Deep breathing.
Try taking a few deep breaths before entering a room full of people you don’t know. Breathe in slowly and deeply, then slowly exhale. This really works and can make you feel calm and relaxed. It will also reduce your blood pressure and heart rate.
Listen to upbeat music that makes you feel good.
Listen to fast paced upbeat music. Music is very powerful, and the type you listen to can affect your mood and thinking. Some years ago I attended a few mlm events, and before the main speaker came on stage they would often play “The Only Way Is Up”, a well known 80s hit by Yazoo which is full of positive words.
Upbeat positive music with powerful lyrics can make you feel happier and more confident. Listen to this type of music when you’re driving, and before that dreaded social event.
Take up a new challenge.
Leave your comfort zone and take up something that really stretches you. An activity you’ve always wanted to do but felt scared incase you failed or looked silly. Don’t spend too much time thinking up excuses why you shouldn’t, just go for it:) You’ll be so happy when you’ve taken that leap of faith. It could be starting your own business, to snowboarding, or sky diving. Whatever it is, you’re never to old or fat, or thin, or whatever it is that’s holding you back:)
In time you’ll find that faking confidence and leaving your comfort zone to try things you never believed you could do will greatly increase your self confidence and belief in yourself.
Take care and have a wonderful day.